headphones are on

I’ve long had a penchant for fictional characters (and real people) with a chip on their shoulder and a dark side. All time favorites include Forrest Bondurant in “Lawless” (Tom Hardy); Will Hunting of “Good Will Hunting” (Matt Damon); Veronica Mars of “Veronica Mars” (Kristen Bell); Pacey Witter of “Dawson’s Creek” (Joshua Jackson); The Donnelly Brothers of “The Black Donnellys” (Tom Guiry, Jonathan Tucker, Billy Lush, Michael Stahl-David); Mickey Milkovich of “Shameless” (Noel Fisher); Damon Salvatore of “The Vampire Diaries” (Ian Somerhalder); and the capo di capi for me, Patrick Kenzie of the Kenzie/Gennaro series written by Dennis Lehane, brought to screen by Casey Affleck in “Gone, Baby, Gone”.

There’s something about overcoming and evolving that I think most people find appealing. A character you can root for, feel inspired by, take a lesson from, good or bad. You can identify with them – my favorite characters are sensitive, introspective, highly observant, empathetic, independent. They see a person for who they are, have highly honed instincts, and are very self aware.

Add in a masterfully crafted character arc, and I’m sold. My long time top three favorites – Kenzie, Milkovich, the Donnelly boys – take you on an emotional journey that once you’ve experienced it, you feel changed, you feel like you carry them with you through life. It might sound silly – a lot people really undervalue what movies and TV shows can do, but storytelling has been part of the human cultural fabric for centuries, and at heart, film and books are just that – storytelling. Traditional stories are those of warning, inspiration, lessons learned, trials to come.

Enter Jay Kulina of “Kingdom”, DirecTV’s MMA drama that premiered in 2014 and sadly ended after only 3 seasons in 2017. Difficult to find online in its entirety until recently, it also just hit Netflix this summer and hopefully will gain enough views and traction for Netflix to seriously consider funding another round.

The show is so well written, its characters beautifully defined, but the real stand out to me is Jay Kulina, played to absolute epic perfection by Jonathan Tucker. While anyone playing Jay would still create a lovable character, Tucker’s embodiment of Jay is so seamless, you can’t differentiate as a viewer between character and actor. Something I really love is actors who put thought into every aspect of the character and create a real physical presence through certain movements, a particular gait or physical tic, a personal habit that seems incredibly natural. Tucker does all of this and takes Jay from a great character to a phenomenal character, spanning every human aspect, creating a person that gets under your skin and changes you.

We meet Jay in Episode 1, at around age 27-28, in a free fall. He hasn’t had a fight in a year, pretty much ruined his reputation in the fight promotion world by being unreliable, and is trying to take care of his younger brother, Nate, and pull his mom, Christina, out of a drug addled prostitution hell. Not to mention a volatile relationship with his father, and MMA coach, Alvey. You realize pretty quickly there’s a lot more to Jay than what is on the surface, beyond the party boy attitude. Jay is funny, intelligent, deeply sensitive, protective, skittish, creative. A talented fighter, a caretaker, and a drug addict.

What I find fascinating in this show is how deep you go into Alvey and Jay’s psyches, how little clues dropped throughout the episodes give you a look into the abandonment, trauma, and addiction issues they both face. Alvey hates his father, was out on his own as a teenager, has dealt with heavy drug use in the past and is an alcoholic. We learn late in season 3 that his mother, who has attempted to commit suicide, had also tried it in the past and Alvey found her one day when he was a teenager. The look of understanding, a lightbulb moment, on Jay’s face while listening to Alvey describe the incident is powerful. For the first time he understands just how dysfunctional Alvey’s relationship was with his own parents.

Of course, that dysfunction flowed down into Alvey’s relationships with his wife, Christina, and sons Jay and Nate. Jay talks about traveling when he was little to New York to visit Alvey’s mother, to South America to watch Alvey fight. Nate mentions that Jay went with Alvey to Japan on similar trips. Jay’s connection with Christina, who is someone who probably never would’ve been a great parent but is even worse in a bad situation, is strong enough that you know Jay had a tight bond with her from birth.

We never learn exactly what happened between Alvey and Christina, and when Christina really started to spiral out with drugs, but we know that by the time Jay was 15 and Nate was about 10, she and Alvey were absent parents and Jay became responsible for Nate. It seems that Nate never really had that bonding experience with his mother, so you presume the family situation had gotten significantly worse in the time after he was born, and degraded very quickly in the following years.

A huge part of Jay’s trauma revolves around the fact, in my opinion, that he knew what it was like to have his family together and for things to be good. It’s so much harder to lose something you had than to lose something that was never really there. The dichotomy of Jay and Christina’s relationship and Nate and Christina’s relationship really highlights that. Jay is Nate’s caretaker, his confidante, his parent in some way. It takes a long time for Christina to work her way back into Nate’s life, and even then, she’s not really a parent but trying to be his friend. Nate expresses to Jay several times that he knows the sacrifices Jay has made for him, and to Christina that he’d choose Jay over her. Even when Jay has made a mistake, is back on drugs, or spouting off at Alvey, he’s Nate’s core family.

Both Alvey and Jay have highly sensitive base instincts, they are always aware of what’s going on and what might be coming. They’re both like street cats who were abandoned early and taken in by a neighbor later on – always skittish, never totally trusting, ready to fight, and never living inside. Nate is like a street cat who was abandoned early and taken into a home quickly, his animal instincts are there but dulled by a warm home, food, and love. I think that’s why Alvey and Jay have no fear or concern about doing what needs to be done in the ring and out, while Nate often hesitates, not wanting to hurt someone. I think it’s also why Nate is the one to die in season 3, Jay knows the bar bouncer has a gun and is very aware while trying to calm down the argument between Alvey and Nate, while Nate is all emotions and less natural instinct. Nate was the one to protect, who had a real chance of making his life greater, and to lose that can be the life altering and soul crushing change that Jay needs to pull himself out of his own hell and into a better place.

Which takes me to what I believe is the greatest achievement of this show and of Jay Kulina – humanizing and pulling back the curtain on drug abuse. I think we’ve all seen some level of this in the media – documentaries, rehab specials, horrifying news reports, the rise of Narcan use. Some of us see this in our own lives – whether it’s seeing someone on the side of the road or having a close friend or relative struggle with addiction.

At some point we all think, when is enough, enough? How did you get here and how does it end? Those struggling with addiction are all thrown into the same demonized category. To understand why addiction is rampant, we have to understand what the hook is.

For many people, that’s pain. For others, its seeking higher and higher levels of a rush. Some, it’s to be numb, to not feel anything at all. And when things are really bad, it becomes a chemical addiction in which you can’t function without it.

Jay is one of those people who can bounce between being clean and being deep into a drug binge, for pain, for a rush, to be numb. His addiction is to the feeling, or not feeling, a drug creates. It’s fairly common for people in a high intensity sport or career to seek higher and higher levels of adrenaline, it can often never seem like enough to win, level up, close a business deal. Often that translates to erratic behavior and drug use. It’s a really, really hard cycle to break and he does it multiple times over the course of the show, which illustrates how self aware he is that he is blowing up his life in a major way and needs to get clean.

For me, an eye opening aspect of substance use on the show is how deep the emotional manipulation goes in a relationship between two users. How quickly Ava pulled Jay into her own drug strung out misery was crazy. I knew it was bad but I hadn’t ever really thought about how bad, until I watched those episodes in absolute horror. Ava’s addiction was so far gone, that she would do anything for the next high, and fortunately Jay’s self awareness stayed above water just enough to realize he was being sucked into this whirlpool.

I cheered when Mac threatened to cut off Jay’s supply and when he told Ava off, worried deeply about his friend. I cheered when Nate got in Jay’s face and told him he needs him, and to pull it the fuck together. I cheered when Alvey called Jay out when he was too high at Nate’s fight. I cheered when Lisa addressed the situation in a way that Jay could respond to and accept her concern.  These are the actions we all hope we can take when someone needs a lifeline.

I did not cheer when Christina forced him to feel like he had to leave his own house with Ava. Instead of confronting Jay and speaking about her concern for him, she flipped it and made it about her not being able to be around drugs. Completely valid point, but not what someone in the state that Jay and Ava are in are really going to listen to, which Christina should know better than anyone.  Jay did an incredibly brave and dangerous thing of saving her from her own rock bottom, getting her into rehab, and allowing her back into their home.  And that’s the thanks he gets?  I really hated her in that moment.

The whole Ava/Jay arc is filled with moments to file in the back of your mind, strength to rely on when someday you need to help someone, tools to really see what’s going on in someone’s life. As a viewer you root for Jay, you beg him to leave Ava, wish for him to get clean. The characters each play out real reactions to a situation that’s happening every day. I think it’s brilliantly done.

Jay’s relationships with women are both refreshing and depressing. Obviously his relationship with Christina is troubled, and in some ways, detrimental. Laura uses him, and he’s so lonely and so desperate to be loved, it falls apart in a devastating way. Ava taps into the dark side of him and takes him to the gates of Hell.

Yet, we also see a really beautiful relationship with Lisa that is filled with love, trust, and respect. His interactions with other females on the show, like Shelby, the myriad of party girls, and Luanne at the bar in Tuscon, show respect and a desire for genuine connection with a female, whether that’s physical, emotional, or both.

He tries so hard with Amy, the mother of his daughter, Mia. The relationship began as a one night stand, and he gives it everything he has, even trying to change who he is, which is the ultimate downfall of the relationship. You see how much his heart is breaking that she left with their daughter, and you know if he can stay clean, he’d be a great dad. When you try to change who you are, at such an extreme level, it backfires eventually. I have to say, I wasn’t a huge fan of this particularly story line, and it did make me wonder if Lisa and Alvey’s baby had survived, would that have been the kick in the pants Jay needed? Another brother depending on him? It’s an interesting thought.

One of my favorite scenes is in 3×09, when Alvey, Nate, and Jay are at the bar in Tuscon. Alvey is totally wasted, makes a comment about the waitress, and Jay so calmly tells him its rude. It’s a quiet moment in a loud scene, but it’s really touching, and I think the real Jay, underneath the haircuts (few better mohawks have existed), the clothes, and the defenses, comes out and speaks his truth.

A dude who is funny, intelligent, deeply sensitive, protective, skittish, creative. More than just a talented fighter, a caretaker, and a drug addict.  Someone who needs and craves love, stability, acceptance. Who you just want to hug forever, until he realizes he’s enough, and can be enough as he is.

And so, Jay joins my other favorite characters who have gotten under my skin, who hang out in the back of my mind like old friends. A pretty inspiring group, even with their dark sides.

“Kingdom”: Let’s Talk King Kulina

“Kingdom”: The Arizona Episodes

“Kingdom” Season 2: The Tragedy of Jay Kulina

Sleepers: “Kingdom”